He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
