I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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