I showed him my bush... on skype.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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