she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
You are the jesus of drinking
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