The brown eye won't let me do that either.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
