i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize