I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
