just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
