I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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