She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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