your parents love me but you hate me
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
