someone get that fucking seahorse.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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