Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I just saw a hot homeless man
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
