do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
