ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
