I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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