Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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