totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
