even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
