I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
