Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Randomize
