Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
