i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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