there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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