it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
