ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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