he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
