Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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