saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
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The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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