Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
