Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
