So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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