my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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