Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
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