Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
