The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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