So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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