my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
