And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Randomize
