I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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