Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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