i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
