so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize