He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
