That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
