I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
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