Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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