I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
