the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
