You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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