btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
