We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize