This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
