i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
