I just made out with a guy for $7.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
