Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
