took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
