just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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