Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
