Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
