Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
