Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
