please come you make the beer taste better
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
