How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Even the bartender felt bad for me
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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