my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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