I must be too annoying 4 u.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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