If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
