just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
