apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
He passed out mid-signature
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
