Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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